Saturday, April 04, 2009

A Big Bubble of Love

It caught me completely off guard. On Wednesday I was walking down Washington Street, a main shopping avenue here in Hoboken, and I was suddenly overcome by what I can only describe as a deep sense of peace.

The night before I did some jaw exercises, which mysteriously alleviated the pain (usually they don't work), a state that lasted into the next morning, so at first I thought this newfound contentment was just a result of having a good day catch me by surprise. But there was an otherness to it that I'd never quite felt before--a feeling that it wasn't coming from within me, but rather something that was surrounding me, like a big bubble of love.

I was so invigorated that I decided to keep my appointment with my life coach, Nancy Colasurdo, and afterwards had the energy to do multiple errands around town, which ordinarily would feel like lifting boulders but instead felt effortless.

In a nutshell, I suppose I was just plain calm for the first time in months.

When I got home that evening, I didn't check email for some reason, which is unusual for me. It wasn't until noon the next day that I finally opened my inbox, and to my complete astonishment, there were dozens of emails alerting me to all of the responses to my new blog at Salon. (Even though I publish primarily at Blogger, I recently signed up for a blog at Open.Salon.com, which takes your feed and reproduces your blog post for post, creating a perfect duplicate.)

When I began reading the comments, I was overwhelmed by their compassion, intelligence and offers of prayers, which made me wonder: Was this the reason for that sense of peace the day before?

Wednesday morning, I did read one Salon comment from Vonnia in response to one of my posts in which she said, "I'm holding your hand, and I won't let go." It was so powerful, so sincere, so touching that I carried those words with me throughout the entire day. And I was so surprised at the intensity of my reaction to them, as they felt just so real--like someone was really there holding my hand, bearing silent witness to my suffering with a type of strength and fortitude I couldn't summon on my own.

Who was she, this anonymous woman who offered such a simple promise that has me in tears as I write this?

And who were of all these amazing souls, for that matter, who took the time to write such powerful, warm words straight from their center, who got down in the trenches with me to offer such solace, such understanding, such compassion.

I truly believe that the combination of everything was that fuzzy thing that wrapped around me that afternoon, a full day before I knew where it was coming from.

There are forces out there that we still don't understand, that we haven't fully harnessed, for if I could feel so strongly this outpouring of love, imagine what we could do as a people if we focused our prayers (in whatever form they take) in a collective way on specific issues. Perhaps we really could change the world just by channelling the love in our hearts. That might sound naive, but I know what I felt Wednesday afternoon.

While I've written a lot of words here, there are none that can express my gratitude for this generosity of spirit from perfect strangers. For a chick who's got a lot to say about everything, I'm speechless.


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1 comment:

ExMogul Music said...

Wow! I went over to the Salon blog page and read the comments. All that wonderful loving energy being channeled your way...how exciting. This makes me so happy.