Saturday, November 29, 2008

How To Shop For Olives

In reading through these blog entries the other day, I thought, "Jesus Christ! Talk about self-centered! Everything is me, me, me; I, I, I." Of course, the purpose of a blog is to talk about our lives or our thoughts or our experiences, but today's blog entry will offer my advice--a service of sorts--free of charge.

While shopping last week at a ritzy boutique food "shoppe" (as opposed to the ordinary "shop" or "store" or "bodega"), I discovered how to semi-scam the $7.99-per-pound olive bar. Here's how:

1) Fill the container with a good amount of sun-dried tomatoes, as they're very lightweight and ordinarily quite expensive. Don't put any oil in; you can add your own when you get home.

2) Select calamata olives. These are also very expensive, and are therefore a good deal at $7.99 per pound. Don't add any of the brine. While you don't have brine at home, you'll eat the olives before they get dry. Trust me. Kalamata olives go quick.

3) Don't buy anything with a pit. As you don't eat a pit, you shouldn't pay for a pit. Make sure any olive you select is stuffed with either air or something expensive.

4) Enjoy many free samples. While a staff person may see you do this, they're probably getting little more than minimum wage and could care less how many olives you stuff in your mouth. If you get one with a pit, be courteous and take one of the small plastic containers and put it at the end of the bar, where you then insert your pit.

This will also encourage others to eat free olives, thus making a lot of people happy. Granted, they'll be happy for a very short amount of time, but a few seconds times many people equals lots of joyfully tasty moments. Eat free and inspire--two important activites you can do at once!

I know I had more advice on this but I can't remember it right now. I'm still stuffed from two days of eating turkey and am not thinking straight, although I do think I've recalled the more important aspects of olive shopping.



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